one thing today

 I'm scheduled to enter the Army on Wednesday. I will not go and wonder what will happen to me. I am with a Latina girl. She doesn't like to spend time with me. I tell her it's over. She cries and stands next to her old boyfriend. I ask her - why are you crying, you don't even like to spend time with me. And her old bf seems very cool and nice. Go with him , I tell her.  My parents are off to play some rounds of golf. I want to sleep all day alone in the house. Single once more. I am barefoot and have to leave work and am self conscious about my shoelessness. A work colleague shows up. We take the same route home and I don't want to travel with him.

    Anguish comes in many forms.  Not sad exactly.  Has some regret in it.  Surprise. Disappointment. Leaving.  Music, maybe a clarinet screeching.  Beseechment.  Humility knocks.  And uncertainty, but, then again. No.  There must be air and light and motion.  Movement through space and time.  Forwardness.  Sadness I support.  Part of it all, that’s all.  But music. 

 

  ... it's clear to me. Good character is about making others feel heard, known, appreciated, welcome, warm, enjoyable. Listen, inquire, encourage. It can be cultivated but you gotta have the initial awareness of the requirement to improve, enhance, increase. It takes desire and time and a willingness to be invested, consistent, persistent. It gets easier to understand. It gets harder to do.

Ain't it grand how the small things we love give us big pleasure. I bought this beautiful box in Paris maybe 50 years ago. I paid 40 dollars for it. It's Florentine leather which gets  better with age.   It is a full-grain Italian vacchetta  tanned with tree bark extracts. It has deep, wide corner grooves. It's a great thing to rub.  I don't know where I found this cool pencil sharpener. It makes my number 2s sharp and ready for action. And again, it's a good rub. The shavings are pretty, too. 

Its  8 in the morning.  I go to the deli for coffee and see Marcos .  Me: Somethings different about you. What is it?  M: I shaved. ME: You look ten years younger.  M: I don't like it.  ME: You don't like looking ten years younger?  M: No.  ME: How come?  M: I don't know.  Me: And you hair looks really good, too.  M: Well, sure. The hair's always been beautiful. I walk through the Village. It looks like it's in Technicolor. I take a pic of two proud griffins - aren't they all.  I go down to the river to move. I think about my convo with sister Suzie yesterday. She asked me - notice anything different about me on this call. I tell her - you seem, peaceful, calm, a good mile per hour. She says - I haven't interrupted you. I say - oh, right . My beautiful sis changes. Gets better. Few people do.  I get a text from Lynda. Jay had a heart attack in Boston.  I talk to Sharkey. He thinks homelessness should be illegal. I do ...