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o life ... or how dead Don Kelly still fucks with us fifty years on

  hi patty  t ime to get something ancient off my chest. years and years ago - it seems like everything is that now - Don asked me if you could stay at my place while you were in town and I said nay.  At the time, I was in a deep depression - something I appear to have outgrown in old age - thank goodness. But I always felt bad about nixing that request. I could hardly get out of bed and act like a semi-normal creature. was not proper company. I was a beast ghost.  I have very fond memories of you and Tony and what delightful people and company you always were. I recall your vast, fab loft and as I mentioned previously, the magic I found there one night when I was with friends and we danced to loud music and drank and knew how good we had it. young, comradeship, in the greatest city in the world. magic. Paul I must admit I have no recollection of asking Don for a place to stay! When we moved upstate I came back on occasion for work but always stayed with friends in t...
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  excerpt from My Abuela and the Bully   He's got a   brand new Spalding Supreme Top Flite 100 in his hands. I've never seen one in person. Just in magazines. It costs twenty bucks. He shoots more words at me than ever before and uses a quiet Confession voice. I never knew he had a suit.   Good morning, Paul. This is for you. I know you don't do layups good. I'm gonna teach you everything I know. You'll be junior varsity with me next year. I have to go to the vets now with my worrywart mom. She thinks Wolgangs (their Doberman) got scarpotic mange. I give him a wha look. You know, scabies . I'll   catch up with   later.   Have a very nice day and I hope you have a lot of fun. 
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Family

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  weekend with family. pool, laughs, new admissions and discoveries. a sister tells of our father when she was seven. They set out for the bakery. She sits in the front seat and grows impatient with him and our mom talking at his window.  She puts her foot on the gas pedal. Dad becomes enraged.  She jumps out of the car and hides behind bushes near the chimney. She is forever changed.
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 3 of my besties are currently making me nuts and I hope they stop it soon.  but they won't. they will continue to be who they are and do the things they do and think the way they think. as will I.  why do we say foolish, hurtful things? why do we stay stuck in things that shaped us such a long time ago - when we were ripe to take in things, whether they were right or wrong or true or not.  It's wrong to think time will change things. Time changes nothing. It holds things that never ever leave us. 
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Open

    I take a five minute walk to buy wine. I pass a guy walking his dog in 99 degree heat. For some reason - something in that sight - brings to mind a beautiful Asian reporter at the Newshour back in the day. She wears expensive clothes  and walks in a determined clip. We stand next to each other  on line in the station cafereria. She is served mysterey meat, potatoes and string beans. I say to her - I always wondered if those were real or instant. She scoops a spoonful of potato and says - open . I taste it and say, real . She nods and says now we know . I walk into the wine store and when I take out my wallet to pay, I notice one of my two credit cards is missing. As I cross the street, I wonder if I lost it - when from behind me ... sir, sir.   A guy from the store waves a  my card , I say to him, the best, the best. I go home and find the other card in a pair of shorts in the laundry. fascinating, huh?
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an all tech all the way bad day. at first. hate them but did get my phone and mac and tv fixed. but had to go thru that tunnel of trouble ... that boulder that sits tight until is doesn't in most endeavors. you doubt yourself, you go way too far, it gets way more complicted than it needs to be. that fuckin house icon vs the rectangle with the arrow piercing it on the remote.  Samsung - get thee to different..  oh and btw ... if you're a billionare and you get married at Madison Square Garden  - you are officialy baned for life from the Cool Artist Club.  God Almighty Fuckin' gggggeeeeeezzzz. never underwhelms.
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Note to self

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  It started with a grocery list H sent me cause he couldn't decipher it. and then back in the city - having a hard time figuring out what I note to myself. penmanship/cursive - I gotta change. 
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