one thing today

  After the meeting tonight, I talk with Elliot, an actor in our group - my favorite member. He mentions that a trans actors shifts things in the piece he will be part of next week at our public reading. He says “it’s obvious he’s trans and I don’t have a problem with that but I don’t like having to accept his choice of identity when it comes to telling a story with him." It surprised me. Actually I thought he (trans guy) did a good job at delivering his reading tonight. But I kinda gave Elliot a “well …” kinda non committal response to his point. And then, walking home, in retrospect   … I thought - I should have said “I just think its good for me to take every opportunity I can to give a person the respect they desire and deserve.” But I didn’t.   I like Elliot. His comment should make me think less of him. But deep down, surprisingly, I don’t. God damn. Life gets more and more difficult to understand and do well as it unfolds these days.  

  My 600th post here - time soars fast&furious - and my first about my two lovely sister nieces, B & T … young and beautiful and warm, funny, cool and so alive and different from each other and both at the very start of all things I hope will dazzle them with delight and true happiness. They make a car ride to the train   talking about music and peeps and this and that the most fun fun weekend thing. O to have young hair and skin and eyes and   thoughts and desires and wild time and the right tools to make a place for yourself in this ever more hardening sorry ass world that needs giant help. But they can and they will thrive - and it will be enjoyable to see how they unfold and flourish over time and place and space. As the genius Joni M lyric goes … I wish them both good, big    guesses based on what each set of time and change is touching .  

  .... is worth the wait.

  it really just doesn't get hoe hum - this view as I sit at my kitchen counter and do what I do. It's the handsomest building in town. some nights pink, some nights sexy, saturated 40's film noir b&w. It was built in 1930 in a years time. We've had scaffolding on our building for three years to repoint some bricks. Why is everything so pussyish these days?  2025 is WTF time. I like that I have this outside my windows - big and bold and beautiful and proof that once was a time everybody misses now who was there when things were different.

from Pauline Kaels review of Hud ... Rape is a strong word when a man knows that a woman wants him but won't accept him unless he commits himself emotionally. Heroes and villians both want the same things and that it is their way of trying to get them that separates one from the other. 

  Walking thru Union Square in the rain. My umbrella falls apart. As I collect the parts a beautiful young girl stands in front of me - here, take mine. I say no, I couldn't  ... and she says, no I live right here and I have too many of them in my apartment. I thank her and move on - my grumpy mood washed away by a surprising action.