one thing today

  Out on some borderline Some mark of inbetween I lay down golden in time And woke up vanishing Sweet bird you are Briefer than a falling star All these vain promises on beauty jars Somewhere with your wings on time You must be laughing Behind our eyes Calendars of our lives Circled with compromise Sweet bird of time and change You must be laughing Up on your feathers laughing Golden in time Cities under the sand Power ideals and beauty Fading in everyone's hand Give me some time I feel like I'm losing mine Out here on this horizon line With the earth spinning And the sky forever rushing No one knows They can never get that close Guesses at most Guesses based on what each set of time and change is touching Guesses based on what each set of time and change is touching Guesses based on what each set of time and change is touching                                       ...

The ghost of another comes to visit and we hold communion while the light shines. While the light shines, what else can we do? And who doesn’t have one foot in the grave? I notice how the trees seem shaggy with leaves and the steam of insects engulfs them. The light falls like an anchor through the branches. And which one of us is not being pulled down constantly? My mind floats in the purple air of my skull. I see myself dancing. I smile at everybody. Slowly I dance out of the burning house of my head. And who isn’t borne again and again into heaven?   Mark Strand

  7/22  Dream … Manny and I at our wedding rehearsal … the guests already gathered … many of whom I don’t know …  I am crazily relaxed and sure about what I am about to do  Oprah … exploring what you want makes u intimate w/yr nature … BRYDCLIFFE 2018 

 I'm scheduled to enter the Army on Wednesday. I will not go and wonder what will happen to me. I am with a Latina girl. She doesn't like to spend time with me. I tell her it's over. She cries and stands next to her old boyfriend. I ask her - why are you crying, you don't even like to spend time with me. And her old bf seems very cool and nice. Go with him , I tell her.  My parents are off to play some rounds of golf. I want to sleep all day alone in the house. Single once more. I am barefoot and have to leave work and am self conscious about my shoelessness. A work colleague shows up. We take the same route home and I don't want to travel with him.

    Anguish comes in many forms.  Not sad exactly.  Has some regret in it.  Surprise. Disappointment. Leaving.  Music, maybe a clarinet screeching.  Beseechment.  Humility knocks.  And uncertainty, but, then again. No.  There must be air and light and motion.  Movement through space and time.  Forwardness.  Sadness I support.  Part of it all, that’s all.  But music.