one thing today

 the air and breeze this morning takes me back to the summer before I left for college and everything seemed unknown and possible and full of good, pending surprise. the world was easier to live in and youthful courage was mine to be had.  we all had firm bodies and minds that still needed shaping. we had music in our ears and plans for after supper. greens were greens and mouths were mouths. most everything was so much more as they were than now. a cow was a cow. a horn blasted pure. this and that fell into place and stayed there for a time. what a time  was a time- that summer and that breeze so near and dear.

  I’ve loved the Post front pages for 50 years. Back in the day, my good friend Michael and I enjoyed them like crazy. Today the headline is Dr NO with a picture of Dr Fauci at his Senate hearing yesterday where he pleaded the 5th more than a hundred times. He wouldn’t even say what color his tie was. I am ashamed to say - it even made me wonder and it definitely wasn’t a good look. Perception is all. Unfortunately. He's a good, formidible  man that didn't look like one yesterday.

  Out on some borderline Some mark of inbetween I lay down golden in time And woke up vanishing Sweet bird you are Briefer than a falling star All these vain promises on beauty jars Somewhere with your wings on time You must be laughing Behind our eyes Calendars of our lives Circled with compromise Sweet bird of time and change You must be laughing Up on your feathers laughing Golden in time Cities under the sand Power ideals and beauty Fading in everyone's hand Give me some time I feel like I'm losing mine Out here on this horizon line With the earth spinning And the sky forever rushing No one knows They can never get that close Guesses at most Guesses based on what each set of time and change is touching Guesses based on what each set of time and change is touching Guesses based on what each set of time and change is touching                                       ...

The ghost of another comes to visit and we hold communion while the light shines. While the light shines, what else can we do? And who doesn’t have one foot in the grave? I notice how the trees seem shaggy with leaves and the steam of insects engulfs them. The light falls like an anchor through the branches. And which one of us is not being pulled down constantly? My mind floats in the purple air of my skull. I see myself dancing. I smile at everybody. Slowly I dance out of the burning house of my head. And who isn’t borne again and again into heaven?   Mark Strand

  7/22  Dream … Manny and I at our wedding rehearsal … the guests already gathered … many of whom I don’t know …  I am crazily relaxed and sure about what I am about to do  Oprah … exploring what you want makes u intimate w/yr nature … BRYDCLIFFE 2018 

 I'm scheduled to enter the Army on Wednesday. I will not go and wonder what will happen to me. I am with a Latina girl. She doesn't like to spend time with me. I tell her it's over. She cries and stands next to her old boyfriend. I ask her - why are you crying, you don't even like to spend time with me. And her old bf seems very cool and nice. Go with him , I tell her.  My parents are off to play some rounds of golf. I want to sleep all day alone in the house. Single once more. I am barefoot and have to leave work and am self conscious about my shoelessness. A work colleague shows up. We take the same route home and I don't want to travel with him.