one thing today

  I f there be power in good intention, in fidelity and in toil, the North  wind shall be purer, the stars in heaven shall glow with a kindlier  beam, that I have lived.   I am primarily engaged to myself to be a  public servant of all the gods, to demonstrate to all men that there  is intelligence and good will at the heart of things, and ever higher  and yet higher leadings.  These are my engagements; how can your  law further or hinder me in what I shall do to men? Wherever there  are men, are the objects of my study and love. Sooner or later all  men will be my friends and will testify in all methods the energy of  their regards.

  I watched a Martha Graham doc and was moved by a lot of it. There was a shot of some of the dancers laughing on a bus, busting up, smiling big, touching each other and it was a shining example of the glories of friendship and I was reminded about how many glorious gangs I've been fortunate to be in throughout my life.  - my childhood neighborhood gang - my hs gang - college gang - my nyc in my 20s gang - my work gang - my bad boy gay bar gang - my massage school gang - my ACT UP gang - my playwright gang wow. 9 gangs.  most peeps have 1 or 2.  some have none.  thank you, life. -

  I walk down 8th avenue after getting a haircut I notice a new store on a corner, Pretty Polly I think of the song young, pretty Judy Collins sang  I recall the lyric ...  I've been digging your grave   f or t he best part of last night I think how much more I enjoy making titles than stories  I check out the lyrics  I see they're different than my memory & I take a lesson Oh Polly, pretty Polly, would you take me unkind Polly, pretty Polly, would you take me unkind Will You set beside me and tell me your mind Well my mind is to marry and never to part My mind is to marry and never to part The first time I saw you it wounded my heart Oh Polly pretty Polly come go along with me Polly pretty Polly come go along with me Before we get married some pleasures to see Well he led her over mountains and valleys so deep Led her over mountains and valleys so deep Polly mistrusted and then began to weep Saying Willie, Little Willie, I'm afraid to of your ways Will...

my annual dream account  In real life , for many years, I would lose shirts and sweaters and scarves and other clothes items at work. I suspected a support person of mine - who thought I should be supporting him. A dream last night. I accompany my mother to an event that takes place in a convention hall in New Jersey that was transformed into a faux beach. We have to remove our shoes. When it's time to leave, I can't find my shoes and notice a man following me. He tries to not be seen. I confront him and ask why he's following me. He points to a wall and says ... don't you remember what happened right over there. I tell him I've never been in the place before - that he's wrong about whatever he's talking about. I ask him ... is that why you stole my shoes? He throws me a pair of black shoes and says ... try these on ... I do. They are much too big on me. He's knows he's been wrong all along.

  A friend of mine told me she had a good kiss with a new maybe. She says she likes him because, among other things, "He does something you do.  When we walk across the street together, you always take my arm. "

I am about to begin a portrait of my friend Lise's son, Luca. I have known him since he was born. He's 22 now. A handsome lad. Kind of looks like Gainsborough's Blue Boy. The slender cheeks and lean, long smile and intelligent, seeking eyes. A quiet way. I hope it turns out good. That's what he deserves. If I really like it I will give it to Lise. We shall see. Maybe you'll see, too.  Sometimes God comes so quickly.                                                                                               Blanche Dubois