one thing today

  Mon 10/31 I am reading The Dutch House by Ann Patchett.  A review of the book noted the relationship between the two main characters, a brother and sister, was unrealistic because there was never ever even a shred of animosity between them.  It's possible. T here has never been a minute of malice between me and my four sisters.   Unfortunately, I cannot claim the same about my brother and me.  As Katharine Hepburn as Eleanor of Aquitane says in The Lion in Winter Well, what family doesn’t have its ups and downs ?

  Sun 10/30 On Halloween Eve, young children in Des Moines, Iowa celebrate Beggars' Night. The event began around 1938 as a way to prevent vandalism and give younger children a safer way to enjoy Halloween. Kids are required to tell a joke, poem or perform a trick for a treat.  I'm ready. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?” Pilgrims

Sat 10/29        Beautiful sparkling afternoon. Sparrows bathe and fight over real estate in a fountain in  the pocket park next to the library. Whenever I park my butt here and read the paper,  Joni’s “California”  comes to mind. Sitting in a park in Paris, France Reading the news and it sure looks bad They won't give peace a chance That was just a dream some of us had Still a lot of lands to see But I wouldn't wanna stay here It's too old and cold  and settled in its ways here Oh, but California California, I'm coming home I'm gonna see the folks I dig I'll even kiss a Sunset pig California, I'm coming home I met a redneck on a Grecian isle Who did the goat dance very well He gave me back my smile But he kept my camera to sell Oh, the rogue, the red, red rogue He cooked good omelets and stews And I might have stayed on with him   But my heart cried out for you   California Oh, California, I'm coming home Oh, make me feel good rock 'n roll band I

Fri 10/28 I came upon this pin recently. My good friend Noni gave it to me years ago. She was awarded it when we took a typing class  in high school. We told our teacher, Sister Frances de Chantal, that we were going to get married and live over Liggetts Drugstore. She asked us what were we going to live on and I answered “love.” She made this tiny Cheshire Cat grin that we had never seen before.  

Thurs 10/27 Third day of horrible head cold... nothing to read, watching 1972 Black Mama, White Mama at two thirty in the morning - it's so bad it's amazing ... Pam Grier, shot in Manila, a heavy lesbian slant - prisoners, heat, hill bandits, escapee whores in chains and nun drag and all the revolutionary soldiers look exactly the same - skinny with nasty staches.  The poly shirts are off the charts. oh, was a time.

   Sun 11/23 Went to see the Hopper show at the Whitney and wow, he really captured sensuous light and loneliness.   One of my favorite paintings of his is New York Movie 1939.   There’s something hallowed about a theater, faces and thoughts and feelings displayed on a screen for people to take in and keep with them forever.   And then, still, there - a troubled woman can be lost in her thoughts and maybe the world. It’s a work of aching beauty.  

  Fri 10/22 My friend who invited me to the worst theater I ever saw a few weeks ago invited me to go see a modern day radio play of MacBeth tonight. I’m not sure what happened at the box office, there seemed to be some confusion, but the two of us walked into the theater, sat down and realized the program we were reading wasn’t the play we thought we were about to see. We were at the wrong place and watched the wrong play. This is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury and signifying nothing.  

  Thurs 10/20        I examine an old photo of my family and notice many things … how much I look like my oldest sister, how king size my brothers head was, how much another sister looks like her oldest son who I always thought resembled the other side of his family. But most of all … I notice that my always fastidious father is wearing very worn down shoes which look like they need a great deal more than just a good polish and buff.   I  wonder why he wore them and for how much longer he did.  

  WED 10/19 The ghost of another comes to visit and we hold communion while the light shines. While the light shines, what else can we do? And who doesn’t have one foot in the grave? I notice how the trees seem shaggy with leaves and the steam of insects engulfs them. The light falls like an anchor through the branches. And which one of us is not being pulled down constantly? My mind floats in the purple air of my skull. I see myself dancing. I smile at everybody. Slowly I dance out of the burning house of my head. And who isn’t borne again and again into heaven? - Mark Strand

  Tues 10/18 I listened to a Talking Heads song called “This Must be the Place” on Youtube.    Someone left the remark …. “Why does this song sound like my friends having fun without me?”   A  person responded “It’s called anemoia ... it’s an actual phenomenon of feeling nostalgic or missing an experience you never had … this is the transportive power of good music.. it makes you feel what the person who wrote it is feeling and you wish you had been there with them.    It means we are all connected.”   

  Mon 10/17 Writing fiction/memoir/plays is hard work.   Titles are easy.  fortunes final hour … the dream toy … near the madhouse … a right night goes left … Ringo’s nose … when the mice come …   bandits play hearts … the blizzard hits … in the crown of the oak … aroint … the castaway braid … an heir and a spare …   a sharp stop on a great goin' day … a capturing tide … blond homework … pull up …the closing attraction … an imposition of ashes … jammed up solid .  

  Sat 10/16           I really like the Dollar Store guy. One day this very old, cranky lady was in front of me buying stuff and saying she took her time to check out is a grave understatement.   When the guy gave her two receipts - she told him to staple them together.   He told her he didn’t have one and she says “oh, for Gods sake. You run a dollar store and you don’t have a stapler?” He smiled and stayed patient with her and scotch taped the two scraps of paper together.   After she left, I told him I admired his way with her. He said “oh, she just comes from a time when people and things were slower. “  

          Friday 10/15      Emmett Till was a black teenage boy who was tortured and lynched after being accused of whistling at a Southern woman in the 1950s. A bio pic about him has just been released. The actress who plays his mother disclosed that  during the filming of the funeral scene, the crew wore suits and ties out of respect for Emmett and in solidarity with her work.  

  Wed 10/14 Sometimes the best way to approach doing collage is to pull out random images from a crate of collected paper with nothing in mind except to combine and contrast and compare and move things around and see if the muses come out and play. And then maybe find association/meaning/amusement, or not, after it’s completed.  

  THESE DAYS I've been out walking I don't do too much talking These days I seem to think a lot About the things that I forgot to do And all the times I had the chance to. I've stopped my rambling I don't do too much gambling These days I seem to think about How all the changes came about my ways And I wonder if I'd see another highway I had a lover I don't think I'll risk another And if I seem to be afraid To live the life that I have made in song It's just that I've been losing so long I've stopped my dreaming I won't do too much scheming These days I sit on corner stones And count the time in quarter tones to ten Please don't confront me with my failures I had not forgotten them Jackson Browne wrote this song when he was sixteen years old.

           Tues 10/12         A young man walked ahead of me on the street. His knees didn't seem to work and I was surprised he wasn't using crutches. A guy walking a Great Dane approached him and he grew scared. He wobbled and fell flat out. The dog and his walker moved on - maybe not seeing what happened - and two men right behind them asked the young man if he was OK and offered their help as he scrambled back on his feet.   He appeared more embarrassed than hurt.   It happened so fast but I wonder why I didn’t run to him as fast as I could when he fell.  

  Mon 10/11 100 is the square of 10 100 is the basis of percentages On the Celsius scale, 100 degrees is the boiling temperature of pure water at sea level.   A religious Jew is expected to utter at least 100 blessings daily. The U.S. Senate has 100 Senators.  Most of the world’s currencies are divided into 100 subunits.   In Greece, India and Nepal, 100 is the police telephone number. 100 is more than 100 more things but most of all - it’s   the best.  

  Mon 9/10 Elizabeth and I visited the Salmagundi Club, an artists club on 5th and 11th. It’s a beautiful, six story 1853 Italianate style brownstone. I’ve been to many art shows there. Very friendly Brandon gave us a long, personal tour of the entire place - floor after floor, room after room, even the original servants quarters. There are hundreds of oil paintings and photographs all over the place; on walls and tables and closets and hallway floors and believe it or not, not one single clunker. There’s no place like it in the city.

  Sun 9/22 I saw the worst theater I’ve ever seen last night, written by a woman who has been called “the greatest and least known dramatist of our time.” In “Mud” a woman irons and encourages her housemates to shape up. And in “Drowning” two severely ugly men sing about a photo of a woman in a newspaper.  The Times review states … “Her characters live in weird corners of the imagination, where uninhabited desire and grim existential queries abound. It should feel like an honor to be a stranger in her strange lands.” They also published my comment … “I’ve gone to nyc theater for fifty years. These pieces were the worst things I’ve ever experienced and this review astounds me.”    

  I walk thru the sunshine filled Union Square farmers market and come upon Mother Pigeon and compliment her on the new bright red felt birds.   She is sitting with Dom a beautiful black faced man whose art style is colorful hard edged geometric Pollack but there’s something Agnes Martiny in spirit about them, too. I go to the Strand and buy a collection of short stories about the American West and a cheap monograph that reminds me of Dom's stuff.   I give it to him as I return home thru the park before meeting a friend in the east village to eat chicken and cous cous and turnips while watching the Saint Marks evening parade before we join it. 

  Friday 10/7 Have you ever noticed a lot of homeless guys have copious amounts of enviable hair? It’s all kinds of ways … long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratsy, matsy, oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen, knotted, polka-dotted, twisted, beaded, braided, powdered, flowered, and confettied, bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettie-e-e-e-d. Many sources confirm shampooing can be very detrimental to hair health. Another fact - in alcohol abusers and guys with drug habits, testosterone levels drop and estrogen levels elevate.   Have you ever noticed a lot of homeless guys have copious amounts of enviable hair? It’s all kinds of ways … long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratsy, matsy, oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen, knotted, polka-dotted, twisted, beaded, braided, powdered, flowered, and confettied, bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettie-e-e-e-d. Many sources confirm shampooing can be very detrime

  Thurs 10/6 My five year old next door neighbor Felix is very excited to spread cobwebs across the front of our apartment building for Halloween. Cobwebs are old spiderwebs. With over 3,000 species, they are one of the largest family of spiders. Their tangled formations have no discernible pattern. 

  Addictions are based on the desire to indulge in nostalgia. They are attempts to repeat the first time when something new made you think and feel a certain way. You want to have more of it. The resistance to change and finding and doing something new, different, better takes reason, resolve and time.  

  “Love and Affection” is a 1976 song by the great English singer-songwriter Joan Armatrading. It’s been described as a "deceptively feisty ballad and an instant classic.” It has a supernatural effect on me- an elation. I have seen many friends of mine feel it, too. Play it loud.

  Monday 10/3 Sometimes writers want to write but don’t know what to write about. Is it important to write something important? Is it a need to share or show off or stake a claim or let off steam or make beauty? What am I trying to tell myself or others? Questions continue and I'm not sure if its futile to probe them or if the answers exist or, if they do, if there's a reason why I need to know them.  

  Golf? No sir, prefer prison flog. Madam, in Eden, I’m Adam. Mr. Owl ate my metal worm. No lemon, no melon! No pet so tragic as a cigar to step on. Nurse, I spy gypsies, run! Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo. Rats live on no evil star. Stressed desserts Taco cat UFO tofu Ailihphila– love of palindromes

  Sat 10/1 Toward the end of the On the Waterfront , Terry finds one of his rooftop pigeons dead.   The anguished kid yells at him “a pigeon for a pigeon.” Brando spots Edie, waves her away and walks into the stairway. She follows and finds him sitting on the floor holding the bird. "Tommy did it" … and brokenhearted, she says “Why did he have to do that for?”   It was exactly what a friend of mine said forty plus years ago when I told her John Lennon was murdered.