I am very sad at the moment. I can’t find dozens of letters my family sent to my sister who was living in Europe in the 60s. They were so sweet and telling … so many perspectives of shared life - from Jessie, 10, to my grandmother Justina and everyone in between. Ugh is all I can think. How did I lose them in the move? What to do when you lose something treasured - except feel the loss and use the opportunity to widen your compassion for others who have lost much more.
As my sister Suzie says ...
... LIFE. It grew into a very sad day this day … began with my computer failing me and calls and calls to Apple and Spectrum and texts and e mails and incorrect passwords and low batteries, recorded voices and stupid stress inducing muzak and erasing everything on my machine and reinstalling and promises bout retrieval and on and on and I lose everything at first except fotos… documents folder is empty ... including my plays and seventeen years of journal ... twelve hundred pages and it feels at first like my memory was erased and then I thought about this year and people losing their lives, and homes and livelihoods and minds, loved ones and so many things more ... and it grabbed hold of me and made me contemplate tonglen. Compassion and empathy. Turn things round. Utilize adversity. Yes, that's the way too proceed but still blue and feeling stupid for not having been more taking care and I go to genius bar at Apple and say to a long haired smart guy with good teeth ... I'...
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